cUckOOsViLLe

i started dis blog few years bek due to one reason..letting go of wut i was feeling at da current moment..n bek den, der were lots of mixed feelings inside me n at some point, i felt i was alone in handling it..

now, i guess ders no point in writing bout my twisted brain anymore..as ive become a lil bit sane through out da years hahahah

though i havnt achieved most of my wishes n my wish list is soooo sooo overdue, i wish for da bes to those in my wish lists..i so hope u peep find wut u r seaching for..

n so dis is gudbye..

*muah muah*

                                                              MY WISH LIST

50. i wish 2 b taller - hahahahh lompat la byk kali pun, cnfrm tak tinggi gak

49. i wish 2 b healthier - nah, cam makin byk penyakit ade la huhuhu

48. i wish i can eat more

47. i wish 2 b fatter

46. i wish i can go 2 sabah 4 my practical nxt yr - errr balik penang je (great  experience though)

45. i wish i’ll manage 2 grad wit a better pointer - ehem still trying hard =p

44.   i wish 4 a pair of red n kinky heels >=p -

43. nak a new hair cut

42.    tioman, tioman, tioman

41. i reali reali reali need a new hp

40. i wish time ble grk ngn lebih cpt masa cuti ni

39. i wish 4 world peace..god,that sounds cheesy =p

38. i wish 2 b more confident

37. ppl stop bitching bout me..xdak keja ka?

- i juz dun care dat much anymore =)

36.      i wish luv story cud b more realistic

35. i wish nine west wudnt b 2 expensive - in my dream huhuuh

34. i wish ppl wudnt go all ga-ga & gooey over GUESS?.. aiyo,dh overrated la..

33. nak jumpa Hans Isaac *aish*

32.     i wish ppl undrstnd da real concept of flirting..aiyo, no harm la..

31. nak shopping like mad bila dapat gaji dis month >=p    

30. i wish sumone in da ofis cud turn off da stupid aircon rite now..i’m freezing here lar..

29.   nak pi kertuk kuman - ahh ahhh i nid 2 hav fun =(

28. i wish past is juz a past n x interfere wit my present n my future

27. i wish life cud present me a little less drama - duhh

26. haha i wish wen dis happens 2 me, da other gurl is supa dupa hot - ;p

25.     nak mandi ujan

24.   i wish everyday is a "PARTY DAY" - im a part timer lab-holic haishhh

23. ati sndri or ati orang?

22.    kamu2 di luar sana, stop making judgements bout othr ppl..xdak keja ka? - ppl never change, so y bother huh

21. i wish tears dun flow easily 4 me 

20. nak travel da world b4 i got married..uish,cam impossible saja..

19. i wish i have 2 children b4 30

18.     i wish im married by 26..hehe gatai =)

17. i wish money flows like water to me..hahahah

16. i wish badly dat my nxt 15 wishes ble jadik btoi2

15. i wish my angels alwiz sabaq wit all my craps..sorry gurlz..

14. i wish 2 b SMARTER - errrrr….

13. i wish hurt is juz a word

12. i wish i dun hurt ppl anymore

11. i wish i dun get hurt 2 often

10. nak pi a place wer i can sleep underneath da stars

9.       i wish he’ll nvr stop luving me

8. i wish yoyo cud start believing in luv again

7. i wish luv cud be easier    

6.   i wish cilut n rahah dpt wut dey r searching 4..

5. i wish kakak dpt her hepiness very soon - hopefully der’l be no more idiots, losers,stupid moron in her life..AMIN..

4. i wish i could crumble in2 a ball n let those yg mrh kat kite kick me around

3. nak joli katak ngan cilut baby n x-ass sec          

2.     nk spend more time wit ku kakak

1. i wish i could please everyone =(

Machicito posted dis on her bulletin..hahhahaha it reli makes my day =p

Tarikh Lahir pada 10, 16 & 21

1. Suka bekerja keras, memiliki nafsu yang tinggi dalam usaha mencapai cita-citanya.
- i do think dat im hardworking heheh only in things that i luvs la heh

2. Dalam pergaulan sehari-hari dia merupakan orang yang mudah tersinggung.
- yup yup.. i am extremely and supa dupa sensitive..go figure aite heheh

3. Namun begitu dia seorang yang jujur & tabah dalam menghadapi persoalan.
- hmmmm persoalan apakah? hehehhe

4. Soal cinta dia sangat setia dan sebab itulah dia mudah disenangi.
- SETIA??? hahahhahahhahahahah

5. Tapi dia seorang yang terlalu cemburu.
- ehem cemburu tandanya sayang ok (ahhh craps….)

6. Kalau baik dia sangat baik dan kalau jahat dia merupakan orang yang paling jahat.
- hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahah

november 1, 2007: 0652

just trying to clear some mental space..

i’ve always wondered, y in the hell a good looking guy and reliable as well (*beep beep* going thru extinction) n makes all gurlz go woozy over him doesnt want 2 commit himself 2 any gurl??

i guess da answer is simple..he juz doesnt want 2 lose wut he’s having rite now - extreme convivial n takmo otak hangit thinking bout gurl, juz yet..

for me, it’s all bullshit up until dis moment..

i tink those extinct creature adelah manusia yg mature..

gurls r different from guys..once they’ve commited themselves to one person, dey want 2 do exactly everything with their guy.. n i reli mean everything..movies, beraye, juz hanging out.. n dey’l try to include their guy in every occasion n every functions sampai kawan2 pun ghase meluat..

dey wud want 2 experience every nu things n share the euphoria of trying things, exploring stuff 2geder..

annoying but, yeah..dats how gurls r..

guys r different..not every thing dey want 2 do with their gurl..ngan kwn2 lagi bes ek? takyah ssh pikir bout amek ati sgt bes kan?

lapang dada..

tapi cane ngan guy yg ckp tanak commit sbb its not da time yet..n die ckp mende 2 kat one gurl yg die dh bagi hope selama berbulan2..n wen da gurl dah all broken up inside, he did juz da next bes thing - p cari other gurl…
asshole jerk, wut goes around comes around okay!!
(note 2 oneself: jgn jadi penyebok)

now, extinct creature is very wise because takyah pikir bout other ppl..ble la jadi selfish bastard sesuka ati..n org pun tak ble cakap ape pun sbb dia x sshkan sape2..

aah aah extinct creature,u-r-so-hot-4-being-mature..

huuu i juz love those guys..tak dapat digapai dek tangan,raba pun tak ble..juz ble tgk n drool je..*yummy*

hmmm dats juz so typical of me hehhehe =p

hohoho pjg plak rambling ini..

huhuhu sorry, i juz like 2 expatiate =)

october 28, 2007: 0017

i learned dat by keeping everything inside, der’l b no arguments..

i figured out dat suppressing one’s feelings regarding everything is much more pleasing den fighting over it..

i knowed now dat a win-win situation is by shuting one’s mouth..

i’m still learning and figuring out things but i’ll alwiz know dat being nice makes it all much easier..

170907 0050

i was thinking n i tink i figure out 5 4 reasons y girls cheat on their spouse

4) long distance

i’ve always hate dis thing called long distance relationship..since i broke wit wuthisname, i dun tink any relationship can survive the kilometres.n even worse kalo dok oversea..haiya, tak dapat la eden huhuhuhu as soon as my las rlnshp goes into lubang jamban, i told mama,"pasni ka nak bf org png jgk,nk bljq kat uia jgk"..yup yup my wishes do come true tapi eventually kene gak tinggai aishh org tu grad awal la, pi keje jauh2 ke *tears rolling down* huhuhuhu stkt ni yg dok tgk takde lagi sape2 yg me close with yg dah survive long distance..it’s not healthy..in da end u juz adapt to the loneliness n da heartache n of course la dis 2 things akan lead ke arah kecurangan aishhh

3) insecurity - emotionally

myb ppl x undrstnd cane insecurity ble menyebabkan kecurangan.. well, insecurity berlaku mgkn kerna prasaan rendah diri..n wen ur bopren pon cam taik n tak membantu dgn memuji pompuan lain d hdpn kamu, maka bertambah2 lah insecurities itu..evendo sum guys mite say dat its ok 4 them 2 do dat as diorgn memuji pompuan lain2 itu d hdpn gupren mereka n bukan d blkng gupren (wic i dun c any difference at all cess), tapi kegatalan itu mmg menambahkan perasaan tidak terjamin gupren trhdp bopren..da gupren wud start being frens with sumone yg bulih menyebabkan dia berase secure n slalunya lelaki2 yg sweet talker saja la ygt bulih mengurangkan parsaan tak trjamin itu..n tadaa berlakulah kecurangan itu..

ders another type of insecurity..gupren yang brase akan ditinggalkan or berase bopren ade gupren len padahal da guy sgtla honest, loyal malahan sweet sgt2..tapi usually gurl yg insecure camni is becoz they’ve been thru a lot or dey juz simply tinks a lot..bile pikir byk, mula la pikiran merewang ke arah negative tots..n if trust senipis bawang, maka babai la kesetiaan itu huhuhu da tendency 2 cheat on da boyfie akan sgt strong n bila ade laki2 tak guna yg mmg suka skandel saje, maka kecurangan pun berlakulah =(

2) insecurity - material

owh dis part is solely done by gurls dat pledge their soul to da printed papers..hellooo sapa takmo ade ka-ching byk2 kan?..admit t gurls.having a guy who can pay for ur food is very very appealing..plus,if he is willing to meng-JPA his fulus 2 ur shopping craziness..it feels great kan if org tu byr sume2 n u dun hav 2 worry about go Dutch?..nak dump bopren yg takde fulus 4 sumone wit big pockets npk cam jahat la plak..da easiest way, mari kita curang hohohoho

1) loneliness

dis is the main culprit 4 cheating gurlprens..gurls r supa dupa sensitip, manja, nids n demand tonnes of attention..n when bf cant fulfill any one of the criteria, eventually gf wus starts to find others dat can give her da same amount of all da things she wants..sedey taw, wen u reli nid dat sumone 2 b around n he juz cant be wit u..
~it’s sad dat during ur menstrual cramps, ders no one 2 rub ur tummy..wen u r feeling shit n crappy, der’l be only his msgs comforting u huhuhuhuhu sedey sgt sgt =~(
mula la cari da next best thing, dat is male fren yg single akn dicari..it can b a pure, honest frnshp..tapi ye ke?agak2 brapa lama ble bertahan? hahhahhah lama2 mst start mepek2 jgk..ati n prasaan akan involve gak la sket sbyk hmmmm

tapi tak suma pompuan ceni k..byk gak lagi gurls yg loyal tak hengat..err wic is a gud thing, i guess =p

i had a grand holiday plan but well,nama pun plan aishhh

da next bes thing was genting,yeay \(^O^)/ maybe 4 sum people,’hek eleh..pi gntng pun nak buat ramai’..well,i dun care..quoting kak nhawal - tak suka bace,kat ujung tu,ade satu icon X,klik je kat situ..mudah bukan =D

da day started well..da weather was fine..superb..cerah,tidak ujan,tidak berkabus,sejuk sepoi2 sahaja..

me n jurukamera decided to take da all park package..so dat we can bermain2 di luar pada siang ari n bermain2 di dalam pada malam ari..

while q-ing for da wristband tagging,der were a family of arabs in front of us..i was pissed becos dey asked a lots of soklan at da counter..banyak soal plak,dah la q panjang *fuming*

dahtu tetibe me npk ade one boy wit them..da mother was keeping him on leash,with a leash..u know da one yg orang mesia gune utk ikat pets (mostly dogs),tapi westerners gune utk ikat anak diorng hmmm 

me pun cakap la kat jurukamera..mst budak tu jebon kan..kalau tak,tak kan la mak dia nak ikat camtu n jurukamera pun bersetuju wit my teory..

suddenly,jebon tu korek idung n dgn slambernye dia makan taik idung nya itu..repeatedly..n i saw it all!!aku mmg cursed =(

mmg patut pun mak dia ikat camtu heeee!!!

selepas itu,setiap kali me n jurukamera nak naik rides,kami akan terserempak wit da family n me akan tros menarik jurukamera utk menaiki rides lain,yikes!!..

da first ride we took was da Pirate ship..lame..n we were pretending to make it look fun..tapi crowd dalam tu mmg kool heheh..masa nak trun tu,baru prasan ade one lil gurl dok nangih..aiyo sian btoi la huhuhu..

den ders dis ride nama Matahari..ala akceli itu adalh ferris wheel kanak2..well,since dah bayaq mahai..naik je sume yg ade kat situ wehooo..dalam our cable me n jurukamera saw dis one lady,in da cable above us..she was alone..jurukamera cakap,apesal lady ni mai genting srg2..so me pun came up wit a theory;

she came to genting alone utk membawa ati yg duka lara..

jurukamera said im too dramatic..

dalam her cable,suddenly,masa kat peak tu,she was clutching da bar n closing her eyes..

so i came up wit another theory;

she came to genting to conquer her fear of heights

jurukamera bersetuju =)

semasa mau menaiki Grand Prix Fun Kart yg berkelajuan seperti basikal,di depan me n jurukamera ade sekeluarga indian from india..at first ade,3 orang je-mak n 2 anak lakinya..tetiba si mak bcakap hindi menyatakan bahawa dia memakai slipar,maka dia tidak ble bermain fun kart itu..ketika itu jurukamera sangat kagum kerna me ble memahami hindi (hasil latihan bertahun2 menuntun hindi muvi)..tapi apabile family industan tu dok memasukkan sanak saudara,tok nenek dalam q itu,me dah jadi panas..

buduh tak hingat..dah marah dalam omputih pun tak paham..dahtu ade mamat senegara diorg cakap hindi pun tak paham gak..apesal la bodoh tak hingat..selfish..sakit ati btol masa tu..

n it seems dat,worker kat genting sume pun tak suka ngan foreigner yang pegi genting,tambah2 arab n indian..tak paham bahasa langsung..dok buat cam besaq bile mai tpt org..cam bagus.. =/

hmmm…anyway,me n jurukamera berjaya mengakhiri misi bermain2 di luar sehingga ke maksimum.. =)

setibanya malam,kami bermain2 di dalam pula..

i look smashing kan =)

so 4 next holiday : koh sa mui - im soo gonna be da ultimate bikini clad babe =8

i’ve always known dis 2 things as sumthing u can eat..sedap woo kerang bakaq..cicah ngan ayaq asam lagi sedap *drool*

however diriku tak penah la plak makan siput sudu..siput sedut pun baru blajaq sedut heheh..masa kecik2 dulu,bila mama beli siput sedut 4 lunch,i’l ask babah 2 sedut 4 me n makan ngan tenang hasil sedutan babah =p aishhh now dah tua2,kena la blajaq makan sendiri..

bek 2 about siput sudu n kerang bakaq,im cranking my brain n trying to generate bek all my overly-senescence-brain cells to create a method on my projek regarding dis 2 species..today is thursday n 2morrow is friday (wic i know everybody is fully aware of *eyes rolling*)..tomorrow dah nak kena present kat dr aileen,my supa dupa meticulous supervisor..

                         ** I HATE FRIDAYS**

she gave us a week to draft our materials n methods to be use 4 da project..but as usual,being ME,suka buat keja las minute..since yesterday,most of my L.I (latihan industri *lol*) frens dah dok sebok buat..i was da only one still dok bersenang2 n sebok btenet n men game hahaha

today,baru la rasa kesusahan ati huhuhu..arggghhhhh stress…cana nak buat ni..depa suma gila mantap aishhhh…

tu la sebok nak mintak project..org len diberi project,me plak ssh2 pi mintak project..aha serves u rite jaslina…huhuhu..

kan baguih if it is easy to draft da things need to b drafted as easy as popping da freshly,tasty n chewy kerang bakaq wit ayaq asam into my mouth =(

Bila dalam ati stat ada ulat2 kecik,its juz a thin line between faith n sanity kan?

I used 2 b da type of person yg sangat believe dat a gurl shud b able 2 do her own things without boyfie interference n vice versa..n i used 2 believe dat it is okay 2 hav a male fren n still hav a boyfie..n i was da one who said out loud that faith is da most important thing in a relationship..

Wut hpn 2 me now??.. =(

Wut happened to all da things i’ve said..n all da things i used to believed in..all da words i’ve told countless times..da arguments wit all da exes wen jealously grips them..

Almost everybody told me dat trust is da key to a succesful relationship..n i was one of them too..

Huh it is EASY to make out da word.. -T.R.U.S.T-

But it is totally HARD to convince ur self to hav da ultimate faith n confidence..to tell urself 2 deplete da tingling n squeezing feeling in ur heart..n to blindly letting luv to overwhelm u back again like it was b4..

me + faith = ????  =(

Need to know
I don't wanna know
Already know
I've seen the signs
I watch you as you pull yourself away from me

Can't believe
I wanna believe
How can i believe
You're making me doubt
I thought i knew you
I don't even know myself

I'm losing faith
I'm losing all faith

You're breaking my heart
Breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart again
Don't ask me to start
Ask me start
Don't ask me to start again
Start again

I wanna fight
Afraid to fight
Why don't i fight
And make you see
I hold my breath
And disappear inside myself

I'm losing strength, i'm losing all strength

You're breaking my heart
Breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart again
Don't ask me to start
Ask me to start
Just don't ask me to start again
Start again

Oh you're breaking my heart again

Don't ask me to start
Ask me to start
Just don't ask me to start again
Start again

No

Oh no no

I'm losing you
I'm losing, oh, you